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02 July 2011 @ 12:48 pm
 This is probably all wrong, or at least relatively wrong, and only applies to the teensy tiny fandoms I grew up in.  (And they were teensy.  And not often sci fi.  I think most of the time there wasn't even much crossover with sci fi fandoms at all, which meant they were teensy and isolated and still almost entirely based on mailing lists.  F* I miss those lists.  Onelist?  Egroups?  I can't even remember which came before...)

Diverging. The point is I have this "Top 50" challenge I'm finding caps for, and there were things I knew I'd be screencapping myself, just for being small and old or pretty obscure relationships, but I DIDN'T realize how much fairly popular stuff is no longer out there, or never was, or is buried by the barrage of informational freedom.   15 minutes in and I can't find a decent Grace/Dimitri cap, though it was and still is one of the most critically developed offbeat relationship I've ever come across.  I have been gut-punch reminded of how much I love the pairing - they bridged my late high school, early college years and they're actually even with my love for Dr. T/Erica, and actually pretty complimentary because BE skews towards Dr. T, and O&A skews to Grace.

We used to be so text based.  Blocks of text, pages of text.  A few caps here and there, a tiny bit of manipulation to banner stories, through they pretty much sucked because source sucked and programs sucked.  We loved them, don't get me wrong, but look around today and we were 2nd graders.  Because now it's all pretty shines.  High res images and slick Photoshopping and it's all so polished fandom has become more about he trappings of what IS, rather than the beauty of what it REPRESENTS.  I used to watch the episode closely the one or two times they aired, and discuss and create based on the abstraction of memory.  Now I rewatch, fast forward and pause, consult, examine, analyze the details rather than the heart.  

Even when I type, I feel guilty, because I don't want to add all the italics or caps-lock or colours or links gifs or tiny little paragraph sentences that say something but aren't poking deeper.  And then I do, because everyone else is, or I think I should be excited in a different way, and I feel like a perfect idiot and wonder if this is really where I'm meant to be, or if there are still mailing lists out there, places where tiny groups of people don't know what fandom has become, and just know that they love something, are something, and are inventing fandom all over again.